Philippians 4:8-9 Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble whatever things are pure whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, If there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things. The things which you have learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

This past week has been so incredible and crazy. We’ve just had our first missions team down, and their presence, the ministry we did, and the joy and zeal they had was so refreshing. It was restoration, refreshment, and total conviction. God convicted me so hard this week. He asked me “Where is your joy?” and honestly I had no answer to that. Where was my joy? When had I lost it? The missions team really reminded me of myself in training, always seeking Him and so on fire it felt like I was going to be burnt. Like they were a match just struck and I was the one completely burnt out, shriveled and dark and nothing but ash.

We did a bus stop outreach with them and we got up at 5:45 am to go and do it. I had just stayed up till 1 am the night before and I was so dead. But they were there, all smiles and, tired, yes,  but so grateful to God to be there. And while I didn’t show it, my heart attitude was one of exhaustion, petty anger, and annoyance. I was already done with the day before it even began.

And I asked myself, why is my joy so dependant on how much sleep I’ve had? Why am I letting my joy become circumstantial when the joy of the Lord is anything but? When did ministry and kids club become a chore? When did doing things for Jesus become exhausting?  Whatever things are true, noble, lovely, pure, just, and of good report, think on these things. Not on myself. Don’t let my view become horizontal or inward.  Dwell on His goodness and virtue.

Turning back to God, my Father, and ask for forgiveness for my ungrateful heart. And adapt that attitude of gratitude that I should’ve had from the beginning, but lost because I was doing it in my flesh.  He’s calling me into His arms to rest and restore and be joyous in His wonderful works.